No Money, Mo' Problems
I was trying to work on my budget last week with tax time just around the corner and the impending bill I am about to receive; I thought I might take a lesson from the Conservative government here in the province.
First of all the lottery promises me lots of great stuff every week and I have won on some of my tickets so the big one has to be right around the corner, not to mention there is at least three of them so I thought like the Premier I could gamble on that.
My employer has told me they were taking the Doug Horner approach so there would be no new money there, so I had to sit down at the calculator and do some math.
If I did it like the province did, I would have a head gardener with four helpers, just like managers and staff, same for the guys who shovel the driveway and those who wash my windows, that’s going to be a little pricey I said to myself but with the big lottery coming my way it wouldn’t be a problem.
Now if my staff here at the house expect their salaries hiked they will have to be let go as the province will have to do to the teachers, especially the new ones.
This isn’t exactly what they had in mind when they banded together to make sure Alison Redford would be elected during the election run.
My budget here at the house has the same problem facing Mr. Horner, my “bitumen bubble” is my “lottery letdown”, and I figured I would have a new car in the driveway by now, but alas I’m still driving the winter beater.
I had to explain to the wife that my plan had gone sideways because of global uncertainty; bad numbers and a broken nail on my scratch and win.
I also explained we would be facing a bit of a deficit so the vacation would have to be cancelled. Like the Premier, I had promised great things but now it looks like Netflix will have to do.
I guess the trip to Hawaii I promised counting on my lottery cash was a bit premature like the Finance ministers idea of $100 dollar barrels of oil.
They promised 50 new schools, I promised 50 new pairs of shoes. They promised 140 family care clinics and I will need one when the wife reads this.
They also vowed to fund oilsands research to the tune of $150 million bucks, I promised to practice picking numbers on the VLT keno machine. Both didn’t work.
The next thing in the family budget we had to discuss was the salary freeze and that means its Swiss Chalet now instead of The Keg. A tear rolls down Shelley’s cheek, tough times these are.
She was wondering why I took an 8.1 raise out of the household income before I worked out the budget and I said cause that’s the norm apparently.
That is exactly what the Conservatives did last November before the fertilizer hit the ventilator. Crazy stuff huh?
Shelley says she talked to the neighbours and they didn’t bet the horse on the lottery budget and wondered how such a crazy thing could happen. That’s when I handed them the new provincial budget and we had quite a laugh.
I said to Shelley we are going to have to tighten our belts which means no more lottery tickets. Yes, I guess like the province we have all lost hope.